![]() I've tried to bandage the bleeding for so long with my own ways of trying to stop the blood, only to have it all ooze through and stain my life. ~ "Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed."-everything that picture says, I personally believe. Just like the picture says at the top of this post, This may be possible for some people but it has not proven good for me. "Forget about the past and focus on your life now." I have a beautiful life AND I was sexually abused for a long time. ![]() How can I feel so sad, so broken but have all of this good stuff. I count my blessings, I am safe, and I am loved. I go to work, church, the grocery store, I volunteer, and manage my family and home. Like the other side of my face, I'm fully functioning. I numb emotions, avoid them and end up like my face after the dentist. It's like I'm locked in to never escape this, having to keep the anger in and never release it ~ because releasing it would look like something I've not seen or experienced before. Dignity, please come back! I've referred to myself as a "caged animal". I can not connect with my inner child and I do not like her. Since then, I've been clawing my way back out. I know what did it but that's not important. I took a nosedive several weeks back and fell in to a dark place. Half of me is numb, unable to function appropriately and half of me looks fine and can generate a smile. For the past several weeks, I have felt like my face after dental work. I can't tell you how many times Christian music has gotten me through things. I survived and now I am left with half of my face being numb for a few more hours. I put in my air pods and cranked up some Christian music while the dental work was being done. One of my coworkers jokes and says, "Well, now you are a queen because you got a crown". I hate dental work (but who really likes it). I had to get a crown today at the dentist. With that said, I may repeat myself but I guess I can't worry about that. It's hard for me to go back and read earlier blog posts that I've written.
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